On a quiet Sunday afternoon in the summer of 2013, Bequi Livingston, a veteran wildland firefighter and Regional Fire Operations Health and Safety Specialist, answered a call that shattered her world. The Yarnell Hill Fire had stolen the lives of 19 fellow firefighters—her brothers and sisters in service—leaving a wound that cut deeper than she could have imagined.
Without recognizing it, she had spent years pushing down the emotional distress of her job and ignoring the red flags (like insomnia, depression, and feelings of helplessness) that signaled the growing weight of the strain on her mental health. As she rushed to support her firefighting family that day, though, the impact of that loss, layered atop decades of relentless trauma, finally broke her, the grief silently igniting complex post-traumatic stress (CPTS) that would force her retirement after over 30 years of selfless service.
Bequi’s heart-wrenching journey lays bare a truth too often ignored: the hidden scars of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in first responders. Marked by quiet withdrawal, gnawing anxiety, or a bone-deep exhaustion, this condition cries out for recognition and care for those who sacrifice so much to shield us all.
First responders—police officers, firefighters, and emergency service personnel—are the backbone of public safety. Every time a crisis happens, they’re the first to show up and the last to leave, and they constantly put themselves on the line to protect others. But that kind of service takes a toll. While their actions save lives, the emotional weight they carry often goes unseen. At Compassion Alliance, we’re here to bring that struggle into the light, reduce the stigma of talking about it, and offer real help to the heroes who protect our communities.
Understanding PTSD in the First Responder Community
PTSD doesn’t always look like it does in the movies as a dramatic change in behavior or demeanor. It can show up very quietly and subtly, sometimes weeks, months, or even years after a traumatic call. It often starts with sleep issues or difficulty concentrating. Sometimes it’s a short fuse that wasn’t there before, or a growing distance from loved ones. Common symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbness, hyper-vigilance, irritability, and avoiding reminders of the trauma.
For first responders, repeated exposure to trauma is part of the job. This chronic stress can lead to what some call cumulative PTSD or complex trauma. A single traumatic event can be followed by steady, if slow, healing. First responders, however, experience repeated traumas. If steps aren’t taken to address them properly, the stress builds up and intensifies over time, affecting mental, emotional, and physical health. The result? First responders often struggle with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or relationship problems but may have trouble connecting the dots back to trauma.
What makes it worse is the culture of silence. Strength is prized in these professions for obvious reasons, but that means vulnerability is often seen as weakness. Many responders don’t talk about their struggles, even with close friends or their spouses. They fear it could affect their reputation, their career, or their relationships. So they carry it quietly, pushing through until they can’t anymore.
Spotting the Warning Signs
Recognizing the signs of PTSD can make the difference between suffering in silence and getting the support you need. Here are some of the red flags to look out for:
- Persistent nightmares or flashbacks
- Avoidance of certain places, people, or situations
- Increased irritability or anger
- Feeling emotionally numb or detached from loved ones
- Trouble sleeping or focusing
- Loss of interest in things that used to matter
- Reckless behavior, including substance use
- Thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness
If you or someone you care about shows any of these signs, it’s time to talk to someone who can help. PTSD is not a sign of weakness. It’s a normal human response to confronting inhuman situations. And it is treatable. Life doesn’t have to hurt so much.
Compassion Alliance: A Place for Healing
At Compassion Alliance, we provide trauma-informed care designed specifically for first responders, both active and retired, and their spouses. Our services are free, confidential, and focused on what works. If you need one-on-one counseling, peer support, or referrals to trusted therapists, we’re only a phone call away, and we meet people where they are.
We know that every first responder’s experience is unique. That’s why our support is flexible and personal. From spouses who are seeing changes at home to retirees grappling with past trauma, we offer a safe space to talk and the tools to heal. We also host events and workshops that foster connection and community, because healing happens faster when you’re not alone.
You don’t have to wait for a crisis. You don’t have to be at rock bottom. Reaching out before it gets bad can prevent long-term suffering and help you regain a sense of control.
How You Can Help
If you’re a member of the public who wants to support first responders, there’s something you can do, too. Support organizations like Compassion Alliance that provide mental health care for these everyday heroes. Share counseling resources with first responders you know. Start conversations. Help reduce the stigma around therapy and emotional wellbeing.
If you’re a first responder, a spouse, or a retiree reading this and something resonates with you, reach out. Don’t wait for things to get worse. Your pain is valid. Your healing matters. And there is help.
Strength doesn’t mean never struggling. It means having the courage to face what’s hard and the wisdom to know when to ask for support. At Compassion Alliance, we stand with you, ready to listen, ready to help.